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Words escape me August 15, 2006

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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I have lots to say but lack the words to say it today. I have a lot of crampy stretching feelings on my right side at the moment. I am unconcerned but wanted to remember that it had happened. My symtoms from my pregnancy on D are all mushed together and I am not sure what happened when.

It is now almost a week since I tested positive and it feels like forever. I still have 13 days to wait for my scan and that is SO long away.

Today I am reminded of the bitterness that infertility leaves behind. Unkind and thoughtless comments made in announcement threads are just hurtful and sadly are becoming more frequent.

No more words tonight… no special thoughts. Just tiredness.



Flowers vs. Hoovering August 13, 2006

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the weekend after the transfer DH kept accusing me of deliberately doing things to ensure that the cycle wouldn’t work. Although he is better now about lifting DS and carrying the laundry baskets I have to ask him 5 times.

Today I told him that I needed him to watch DS (who can climb onto everything dangerous) while I hung out the clothes and made the dinner… so he went into the garden to plant seeds OUT OF SEASON!! DS of course followed me out onto the deck when I went to hang out the clothes and wanted to help DH, who got in a huff and asked if I couldn’t have waited 5 minutes for him to finish. I went back inside at 6pm and DH finished his 5 minutes in the garden at 6.30!! At that point I was livid, the kitchen floor looked like World War III had happened because DS kept throwing things cause he was bored.

Now I am taking deep breaths!

What is a girl to do? August 12, 2006

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D and I went to Dublin today to firstly meet with my mother, sister and niece and then to meet some very special IVF mammies and babies.

While meeting my mother we went and bought D big boy shoes… this is a very big step for me (see I can’t let go of my outer child). I have stopped calling him Baby D and I refer to some things as “Big Boy” things. He is happy to sit on a dining room chair to eat his yogurt. He is trying to eat a little by himself and is getting better about food falling on his hands/legs while he is eating. He even picked up a bit of mushroom today that had fallen off the spoon and put it in his mouth… that is a big step for a little boy.

My sister yet again subtly questioned my choices for D and I get again explained that my choices are informed and I am still happy with them. I wonder if it is my consistency that bothers her?

Then we met with other “of our own kind”… mammies who went through what we went through to get where we are now… to be honest most of them went through more, much more, than we did. Yet even in that group I am on the outside… I am known as the Earth Mother… a little too crunchy for their liking.

So I am too consistent and too crunchy… what is a girl to do?


I had such great plans August 10, 2006

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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Firstly to blog the lead up to my cycle… then to blog the cycle itself and now here I am pregnant promising to blog the pregnancy. I didn’t blog or diarise my pregnancy on D and I really wish I had.

Here are the details from yesterday…

Right… as many of you know I tested BFN since Friday using cheapo internet tests… yesterday when AF hadn’t arrived by 3 I went & bought a “real” pregnancy test… I went to the loo every 20 minutes to stop myself building up any sort of volume of pee & thereby not waste a test in the evening.

D had SUCH a rough night that at 7.10 when he woke I tried to get him to go back to sleep, rather than jumping out of the bed to go and test. I went and pee’ed in to a cup (I have never been great at pee’ing on a stick ), dipped the test and thought… bugger… I’m not wearing my glasses!!

As the line started to appear I thought “I am seeing it because I want to”… I washed my hands, unlocked the door (D likes to “visit” when I am in the bathroom and he can reach the handle & open the door on his own) and, in tears, went into the bedroom saying “What can you see?”

M said “Nothing, wait, I can see an X”… “It’s a b!oody + not an X idiot”

After all of the plans I had about how I would tell him (I was crying and blubbing the last time and I wanted this time to be more… dignified… but alas it wasn’t) I was a wreck and D just wanted to play with the test

It is all a little unreal… when we got our cycle dates and I realised that my EDD would be M’s 36th and D’s 2nd birthdays I thought “but it won’t happen” and now it has.

I have told MiTwan that I won’t be giving him any more of these birthday presents HAHAHA