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A little red shoe… my faith restored October 27, 2006

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.

I am not sure that this forum is the best place to post this BUT it does reflect my feelings about the upcoming 4th IVF cycle

D and I took the train to visit a friend today. While the visit was lovely the journey was frought. If we had gone yesterday it would have cost us €15.50 return but because today was a Friday it cost us €23!!! Then we had to change trains… I presumed WRONGLY that because we got off an east bound train and were boarding an east bound train that the two trains would involve the same platform… 2 kind young men helped me to access the “other” platform via the 30ish steps up and another 30ish steps down.

As we were about to head back to the train I discovered that I was missing one of D’s shoes. He had worn his slippers all day (he can and does take his shoes off and throw them away) but I brought his shoes so we could go out for a walk/go to the swings etc. He is almost grown out of them so it wouldn’t be the end of the world if I had to go to Dunnes and buy him a pair of runners for a few weeks but I had wanted to keep his first pair of shoes.

On the way home I checked on the platform and by the rails in all of the stations but no joy Sad We didn’t have to change platforms but we were shoehorned into the train after a man in a uniform took D’s buggy to put it somewhere so it would manage to make it to our destination along with us. We stood for the rest of the journey surrounded by the scummiest dirty walls (diesel engine pumping soot in the open windows) that D wanted to paw so we both ended up covered in sticky black yuck!

I asked someone in the station when we got home if a little red shoe had been found and was told that it hadn’t. Then it started to rain! As we walked back to the car I looked to see if the shoe was on the ground by the car but alas it wasn’t.

For some reason, about 30′ from the car I looked to my left and there, on top of a small wooden post, was a little red shoe. I could have kissed the shoe there and then!

At the end of a crappy journey I was filled with joy because someone picked up a shoe and put it somewhere safe in the hope that the owner would find it, return it to its match and take it home.

For the last few days I have been so down about ANOTHER IVF cycle and it has spilled over into every corner of my life.

Tonight, with 2 reunited red shoes in the hall my faith is restored in mankind, in the cycle to come, in accepting that sometimes things are lost to me and sometimes they are returned, in the fact that the journey doesn’t matter – it is the end point that counts.

Enough filosofikalizing for one night… thanks for reading.



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