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It’s not about infertility January 20, 2008

Posted by The Mom in family.

I am reluctant to post about non infertility related stuff on this blog, although I am not sure why. But tonight I need to talk about how I am feeling and why.

Last night was my eldest sisters 40th birthday party. The usual suspects were there and the whole “in joke” feeling of my older sisters and cousins was there in force. I am younger than the older group of siblings & cousins by 2 – 8 years and older than the younger group by 2.5 years plus. I am geographically distant from them having chosen to move out of Dublin several years ago but long before I left I was always distant. I was the one who was called at 7.30 to say they were going for dinner at 8 & did I want to join them (that actually meant… we need someone sober to drive so we decided to let you in on the dinner plans).

By not drinking or smoking and not spending lots of time with them I am very much out of the loop. I was reminded of that feeling last night and remembered how awful it felt.

On two separate occasions in the night I had occasion to listen to my cousins telling my father what they had bought with the money he had given them for Christmas. This is the second year in a row that my father hasn’t given me anything for Christmas. Now, my father doesn’t do gifts. He does “payments to politician” type envelopes and wouldn’t lower himself to a €20 note. To be honest after last year I wasn’t expecting anything this year but it just caught me the wrong way to hear my cousins talking about what they had bought.

I was feeling a little rough and raw this morning and mentioned it to my mother. 20 minutes later my mother brought him a coffee and within minutes he arrived into the room with a store gift card thingie telling me how it has been in his bed side locker and between all the jigs & the reels he forgot to give it to me… blah blah blah. Now don’t get me wrong, I appreciate the gift, I will buy myself some clothes with it but we were in my parents house on Dec 23rd, 24th 29th, 30th, 31st, Jan 17th, 18th & 19th and he “remembered” on the morning of the 20th that he had forgotten to give me a gift… I think not. The gift card was for €100. My father does not give €100 gifts to his kids. (By way of clarification I opted out of a business deal with him 3 years ago that all of my siblings opted into and he will NEVER forgive me. I did not fulfill my family obligation.)

The point of all of this is that I have remembered over the last few days just how personally distructive it is to spend time with my family. They could suck life out of a corpse. I am loathe to mention my siblings online but I just had to get this out there because after 8.5 years M is sick of listening to it.

The thing I am most annoyed about, right now at 11.15 at night is that I hoped, yet again, that it would be different this time. That my sister wouldn’t roll her eyes to Heaven over what I restrict out of D’s diet, that another sister wouldn’t manage to slag me off by comparing me with someone who annoys her. That any or all of them wouldn’t get a dig or two in about my husband. Oy I could go on…

I will finish with the look of pity on the faces of my aunts as each one (three of them) in turn asked me how I was with the “my poor niece who lost the babies” look on their faces (if you have seen that look once you will recognise it anywhere) and then with nothing else to say to me told me that I look well. I am the heaviest I have ever been, had no make up on, hair pulled back into a pony tail & was wearing jeans and a jumper. I look no where near well.

Anyway I think there is a whole other blog out there that could be dedicated to the shit that my family dole out. Suffice to say that they got their guilt currency from my father and they run with it!

One of these days I will learn not to care but today is not one of these days.



1. Jen - January 21, 2008

Ugh, Laura. How miserable. Sorry they’re like that.

2. Anonymous - January 21, 2008

Laura, families suck big time at times. I’m sorry you have to put up with that.

3. engol - January 23, 2008

you may be surprised by how well you look with no make up, hair in a pony, jeans and a jumper… you’ve a very pretty smile and look lovely when you share it.

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