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April 23, 2008

Posted by The Mom in miscarriage.
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Another baby was lost today to a heartbeatless scan. Not my baby but that doesn’t matter. A 7 IVF veteran who had never made it to the 7w scan let alone an 8w one found out today that her baby died at the weekend. I am paralysed with fear. She is living my nightmare right now.

I have less than 40hrs to wait now. We are going to Dublin tomorrow night so that I don’t have to travel on Friday morning. I am still not great in the mornings.

I am yet again making a mental list of all the things that I will do if something goes wrong at the scan. I can’t stop myself doing it. Just like planning dates for any intervention that might need to happen.

My house has looked like a bomb hit it since the birthday party last Friday and M is doing a wonderful job of keeping on top of things but there are dishes and toys everywhere. The former I am sworn off dealing with and the latter I see no point in tidying because they will all be pulled out again 10 minutes later. My cleaner is coming tomorrow and while the prep work for her coming is a PITA (putting away toys, sorting laundry etc) is a royal PITA I love how the house is when she is done. Plus because we are going to Dublin tomorrow night we will come home to a clean house YEAH!

I am so scared about Friday it hurts. I want to get into bed and stay there. I know not having a scan wouldn’t make things any better, heck I would just spend longer wondering if this baby had died too. But thinking about the scan room and the process and the dread of hearing “I am very sorry” again makes me want to puke.

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Comments»

1. Chicky - April 23, 2008

Not having to travel Friday morning is a good idea.
Coming home to a clean house is a good idea.
Coming home to a clean house with good news is what we’re praying for.
I guess I’ll be charging the mobile phone again, huh?

x Chicky

2. Susan - April 24, 2008

So so sorry to hear about your friends little baby. Sending so much love and strength her way. Its just not bloody fair.

As for you – Thrilled the cleaner is on her way tomorrow – I’m sure she’d rather do the prep work AND cleaning than have you do it and exhaust yourself – so house = bomb -who cares!?

As for scan, always feel like a fraud trying to send any advice, so I won’t, but as always will be thinking of you tomorrow..and praying for the news we all want.


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