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It is all we know June 30, 2008

Posted by Laura in IVF, TTC.
1 comment so far

A comment was left earlier which called the lengths we have gone to to make our family awe inspiring but as the title says, it is all we know.  We have never had a natural conception and are unlikely to.  I know no other way to make a baby but that doesn’t mean that I wouldn’t dearly love to have sex with my husband and wonder if anything has happened.  Imagine telling him that I was pregnant without having gone through all of that, without him spending the 2 weeks dreading the outcome.  WOW, now that would be awe inspiring.

I am silently sitting through someone elses 2 weeks at the moment and I so very much hope that this is the last one she has for a very long time.  I can’t remember waiting for someone any other time that I was pregnant and it feels funny.  I feel no ill will.  I want this to happen.  I actually feel odd being in this position.

Another friend has just started another IVF cycle and I think there is a small part of the little toe on my left foot that is not willing it to work for her, the rest of my body is 2 million percent behind it.

By the way the small part of the little toe on my left foot is too busy being concerned on a daily basis that my baby has died over night).  While the baby has not, as yet, died, the dread is still there every.single.day.  I hope one of these days that dread will go away (even a little) but I am not near there now.

A Vision of You June 29, 2008

Posted by Laura in parenting.
3 comments

I have thought about writing this post for most of the last week but didn’t know what exactly what to say. Different people have different opinions of me. Of course everyone is entitled to their own opinion and while I would prefer they kept it to themselves they are also free to say what they want. That doesn’t mean I have to listen.

I have found of late I have been more and more careful about what I write on the internet. Not the amount of personal information I share but the opinions I voice. I am reluctant to talk about breastfeeding, cloth nappies, car seats, co sleeping, sling use, homeschooling, heck, just about anything that describes the way that I parent D, because to be honest most of those subjects incite a riot most of the time. For an easy life I don’t talk about them but then leave a gaping hole in that whole part of my life. I am also reluctant to discuss my faith but that is for a whole other set of reasons.

Recently I have been touched by a gesture made by a woman I have never met. Part of her reasoning for the gesture is that she has been in awe of me for some time. I do not believe I live any sort of life worthy of being awed. I try my best and don’t get to where I would like to be a lot of the time.

So is the life that people see online in any way a reflection of the one that I actually live? Am I worthy of their awe, appreciation or anger?

Protected: Why bother? June 28, 2008

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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My new space June 28, 2008

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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If you followed a link from my old blog to get here please update your link to this: https://ajourneythrough.wordpress.com

If I am on your blogroll please change it too.

Can you spell HUGE? June 25, 2008

Posted by Laura in pregnancy.
2 comments

I finally got around to taking a bump photo today. I will be 18w tomorrow.

Looking back at photos of my bump on D I am about 10w ahead, size wise. What size will I be when those 10 weeks have passed.

200th post June 24, 2008

Posted by Laura in money, pregnancy.
5 comments

I may have the most boring blog on the net but my poor readers continue to come back & find out if I had said something new. I feel like there is nothing new.

In February we cashed out an investment policy. Today the Irish Stock Exchange is 1000 points lower than it was when we cashed it in. While we didn’t cash in at the top of the market we got it at a good time & we got out of it what we wanted, a pregnancy, an ongoing pregnancy.

I was listening with the doppler yesterday & the baby kicked the probe so I felt it and heard it! I wasn’t 100% sure I was feeling movement until I felt it last night. Too freaking cool!

Game time again June 16, 2008

Posted by Laura in Games.
3 comments

SCATTERGORIES – it’s harder than it looks! Play here or play on your blog. Saturday is game day!

Use the first letter of your name of your street to answer each of the following. (if your street name is a number use the first letter that spells the number. If you live on Fifth Avenue then your letter should be F) They have to be real places, names, things – nothing made up. You can not use your own name for the boy/girl names.

1. What is the name of your street? P********* (not in the mood to put that one on the web)

2. A 3 letter word? Pit

3. Something you would find in an office? Paper clip

4. Something that smells bad? Puke

5. Movie Title? Platoon

6. Slow Dance Song? (The) Power of Love

7. Something in your pantry? Pita bread

8. Name of a pet turtle? Polly

9. Fetish or Phobia? Phobophobia – a phobia of phobias

10. something you would find in your medicine chest? Paracetamol

Play along here via the comments or on your blog (just let us know so we can marvel at your wit!)

A general malaise June 15, 2008

Posted by Laura in Games, pregnancy.
3 comments

I am not sure what is going on but I have been uninspired this week so nothing, including blog reading and writing have gone by the wayside. To be honest I am not even sure why I came on here today.

I was referred to a blog on Thursday that is being written by a man who’s daughter was born on March 24th and wife died on March 25th this year. She didn’t get to see her daughter because of bedrest following her c-section. My heart is sore for Matt & Madeline.

I realised recently that while I know that I have the symptoms of pregnancy that are physically pregnant (itchy skin, nausea, raised BP, visual disturbance, swollen ankles etc) but I am having a hard time believing that I have the ultimate symptom of pregnancy, the baby growing in uterus symptom.

For some reason the other night I started thinking that although I am hearing a heartbeat every day that the baby is not growing. I think it was in part caused by the fact that I use my doppler low down, under my belly. So I have been listening higher and higher and was pleasantly surprised to find the heart beat with the probe at my belly button. Who knew?

Yesterday, after my shower, I realised that while my belly is still mostly fat, I have a hollow on either side of what is obviously a bump! That came as quite a surprise, let me tell you.

We have just come back from a few days in Dublin, visiting with my family. My aunt, who lives in London, was there. We haven’t seen her in a very long time so it was great to have a few days with her. She has been blind for 29 years and it is all I have ever known. She started D in his journey of learning to work with a blind person over the weekend. She got him to guide her to the bathroom & her bedroom. She asked him what colour her clothes were and asked him to choose a necklace that was a similar to her top. He did really well in all of his responsibilities except for when he took her for a walk in the garden & didn’t know he had to tell her that the rotary washing line was in their path so she bopped her head on the line. He knows now to tell her where the washing line is! I was so proud of him doing it. I remember guiding her when I wasn’t much older than him.

We had game night in my sisters house last night. They play modified pictionary with modified rules. Rather than always drawing the word on the card you are dependent on the roll of a dice to decide whether you use drawing, mime or Playdoh. It is great fun and made all the better by the fact that my brother & I won! The last time we played (at Christmas) M & my eldest sister won so it was nice to reset the score sheet.

A little late to the table June 9, 2008

Posted by Laura in Games.
6 comments

Calliope had game night on Saturday and I am a little late reading my blogs so it has taken me until now to do this.

SCATTERGORIES – it’s harder than it looks! Play here or play on your blog. Saturday is game day!

Use the first letter of your first name to answer each of the following. They have to be real places, names, things – nothing made up. You can not use
your own name for the boy/girl names.

1. What is your name? Laura
2. A 4 letter word: luck
3. A vehicle: Lexus ((I have expensive taste)
5. A boy’s name: Liam
6. A girl’s name: Liza
7. Drink: Lucozade
8. An occupation: London Cab Driver
9. Something you wear: lipstick
10. A celebrity: Lulu
11. Something found in a bathroom: loo roll
12. Reason for being late: landslide
13. Something you shout: Look!
14. A body part: lips
15. Word to describe yourself: lazy

Oh… and my maternity clothes arrived today. I will try to get them washed and get a photo taken before I head to Dublin at the weekend.

And a big up to Fiona who’s long, long, long awaited little girl arrived this afternoon at 4.44pm

An All Over The Place Post June 6, 2008

Posted by Laura in Garden, infertility, pregnancy.
8 comments

I would hate to think that anyone thought that I had left infertility behind with this pregnancy. Let me assure you I haven’t but I have to say that I am happy to see this blog evolving into something else. I realised about 6 weeks ago, after the 9w scan, that I have to assume that I am going to stay pregnant. Some days it is harder than others but I have to respect this pregnancy for what it is and what it can be. Having the doppler makes it easier. There have been a few days over the last few days where I get to 7 in the evening and I think “I will just go and listen, just to check” but I resist the urge and thankfully the baby is still there in the morning.

The shoes arrived on Tuesday and I am in love! I have worn nothing else since!


My friend found out today that her baby died in her belly 3.5 weeks ago and my heart is so sore for her. There aren’t words to express anything of what I feel so I won’t try.

Thompson & Morgan are having a seed sale so I have added:

Cabbage
Chinese Cabbage
Purple Sprouting Broccoli (Late) – I already have Early
Carrots
Romaine Lettuce
Beetroot
Climbing beans
Broccoli
Radish
Cauliflower
Swiss Chard
and
Little Gem lettuce

to my collection. Some of it is not to be planted until later in the year/early next year but I want to have them on hand. I sowed some chives, purple sprouting broccoli (early) and pak choi on Tuesday so we are watching them to see if anything happens.

I am waiting for my maternity clothes to arrive so that I don’t have to spend all of my time puling down the front of my shirt!

I am back in work on Monday, having been off for 3 weeks and I am not looking forward to it.

I was 15 weeks yesterday & there is no let up on the nausea.

I am really overstretching myself on the project front. I have 12 felt canolis that need to be sewn, a baby blanket that is half finished and several other knitting projects waiting to be started. All of that, along with the garden is taking up all of my free time in the evening but I have found that I am less nauseated when my hands are occupied so I really can’t complain.

D & my mother went swimming yesterday & I am SOOOO proud of my boy. He was swimming on his belly & his back (holding onto my mothers hands) and shouting to me that he was “wimming in the wimming pool”.

The other breaking news about D is that this week he got an F. It isn’t automatically being used in words (more specifically at the start of a word) but it there and if he is asked to say “fall” or “fun” etc he does an exaggerated ffffffffffff and runs the rest of the word straight into it. He currently doesn’t have an S, an R, an Sh or Ch sound but they will all come with time.