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The Story, Ongoing January 4, 2009

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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It has now been just over a week since I started to regain control in this house and the change is unreal.  I don’t know where to begin.

In the time before, D would randomly hit me, crossing the room to do so on many occasions.  In July I tried, with some success, to get rid of the slapping but it only worked once and the Jelly Beans didn’t work when I tried them a second time.  I tried ignoring it, punishing it, slapping him back (which still makes me feel sick.  I was at the end of my rope and being hit 15 times an hour – hitting included headbutting, kicking both heels into my shin when he was sitting on my knee, pinching, slapping and on one occasion biting me.  That is no excuse, it is just how bad it had gotten).

M doesn’t read books.  It is not that he can’t read, he just doesn’t, so there was no way I was going to get him to read the book.  Instead I had a blow by blow conversation with my sister, the source of the book, about the book, in his company.  The rest he has gleened by example.

In the last week D has dressed himself, in a timely fashion, each day.  I lay it all out & help him with the neckband of his tshirt and jumper because he has a big head and clothes have small neck holes.  He has eaten his meals, at the table, without (for the most part) messing.  He has gotten into the car when I told him to and has started putting on his own shoes.

Yesterday I took both boys to Tesco & got the grocery shopping done without fuss.  The last time I took D to Tesco he ran around the place & shrieked if I tried to stop him.

The significant thing that I can see is the effect that it is all having on M.  His original feelings about the book would have been that it was a load of bo–ocks & because it didn’t work like flicking a switch it obviously wasn’t going to work.  Today, while visiting his grandparents D kicked off & M calmly asked him to go out into the hall for 2 minutes.  At the end of the time M called him back in & asked him if he felt OK now.  D replied that he did, sat down to eat his orange & watched Winnie the Pooh.  M reported that D appeared stunned that M hadn’t gotten cross with him and to me M appeared delighted that he did the time out successfully.

I still haven’t finished reading the book (about 40 pages left) but I feel so positive & love the effect it has had on our home.  I haven’t bothered with “Why didn’t I read it sooner?” because I wasn’t ready to read it then.

During the week I started “deliberately hurting my body with your body gets you 2 minutes on the step”.  I have been hit twice in 4 days.  Both times he spontaneously said sorry & kissed me better after his 2 minutes on the step.

I no longer go to bed hoping that a switch will flick & D will be better/attentive/”normal”.  I go to bed hopeful for the next day because if it is as good as today then I will indeed be blessed.

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Comments»

1. jacqueline - January 5, 2009

I’m impressed! It must be satisfying to see M taking on board some of the techniques and getting results. Long may it last for you & him. I’m adding the book to my already long list of books I HAVE to read this year in order to regain some of my sanity!

2. Ruth - January 5, 2009

Wow I haven’t been on in a week and what an interesting week you’ve had!

I don’t think you needed to feel guilty about D’s behaviour in the first place but I’m delighted that you have found a method that works for you all!

I might check that book out some time when I get through the other half-dozen that are waiting to be read. I find I like the idea of parenting books more than the actual reading of them.

3. Lorna - January 5, 2009

Our DD is only 17 months and I already get the feeling we are going to need a copy of that book!! Feisty is not the word!!

Well done to you.


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