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Attention to details August 29, 2009

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A while ago, not sure how long it was, I zoned out, I lost focus, I stopped paying attention to the details. I saw D’s behaviour as simply being rude & bold. I saw his not listening to me/doing what he was told to do as willfull disobedience. For some reason, earlier this week, I tuned back in. By tuning in I realised that he was/is also, intermittantly, out of focus. There are days when he is simply on a different plane. I speak but he does not hear but not because he isn’t listening, simply because it floats over him like the air. On those days it takes a lot of time, patience & effort to get him to engage with me & keep him there just to get him to do a simple task.

On those days it takes an hour to do a 100 piece jigsaw. On the days that he is here in the world with me the same jigsaw takes 15 minutes.

The last line of the second paragraph in the first chapter of Raising Your Spirited Child is something that I have been trying to explain to M for ages “How does one explain the “sense” at eight in the morning that this will be a good day or a dreadful one?” I realised on Thursday that part of that “sense” is I can’t get him to hear me straight off as soon as he wakes up. Thursday was one of those days. Yesterday & today were better, not completely in synch but not miles off.

My dreams August 24, 2009

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My dreams are a little all over the place these days. Considering I regularly wake at some unearthly hour of the morning and realise that I am still wearing my glasses I am not surprised they are weird.

Yesterday morning, after D got up, I had a dream that I was pregnant again and blissful with it 🙂 But within the same dream I was driving up the Drumcon.dra Road & just at the pedestrian lights at St. Pats there was a line of traffic, at the top of which there was a child lying in the road, having been hit by a car. I woke very distressed by the child and then became distressed by the fact that the pregnancy was in the dream, not in real life.

Real life is trundling along nicely. J is 9 months old today and last week decided to be able to sit properly for extended periods of time. The week before he couldn’t sit with support! He is creeping around the floor on his belly, just like his brother did and is into everything. I am dreading him pulling to stand as we have become too relaxed about having stuff lying around and I don’t have the energy to start clearing off surfaces. It will have to be done though and I fear it will be done in a hurry when I walk into a room and find him standing at the furniture.

I am back into felt making mode and am loving my preparations for Christmas. I know it is only August but I have to work this far in advance or I will have nothing done in time. My mother and I have taken a table at a Christmas fair. She will have handmade cards and I will have felt decorations and napkin rings. I am still making felt food but I am only going to make it to order this year so that I don’t end up with lots of stuff that I can’t sell. I have set up another blog to showcase the felt stuff so have a wander on over and see if there is anything you like.

J and I are off to the US next week. He is going to have a very busy little passport 🙂

There’ll be no chapel, but they’re going to get married August 19, 2009

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Our friends over at Fostering Pride are getting married in a few weeks. J & I are delighted and excited to be going to help them celebrate. This is a huge thing for all of us, the couple getting married and our family.

I have never spent more than one night away from (and completely unavailable to) D. I will be away from him from Friday morning to Wednesday at lunch time! M will also spend the longest “unsupervised” time with D so it should be a steep learning curve for him.

A great thing about the trip is that we are getting to meet Calliope.

Our passports are found and tickets are booked. All I need to do now is shop for tea & chocolate 🙂

Lost, not found August 12, 2009

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I feel like I am missing something, like there is somewhere online that I am supposed to go but I have forgotten to. Maybe if I do something else it will come to me.

My goals for myself for this week are:

1. 3 workouts: Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. – worked out yesterday & have it organised for tomorrow
2. Get protein into my breakfast – poached egg with breakfast this morning
3. Eat more vegetables and fruit. – raisins, salad, peppers, onions, blueberries, melon
4. Drink 3 litres of water a day. – 3.5L today
5. No eating after 8PM. – I am done for the day 🙂

I feel stronger, healthier, more in control of my journey to my destiny than I have in years.

M & I talked about my goal weight last night. When I told him what the goal is he said “There’ll be none of you left” and “Will I get a refund?” This is the lightest he has known me. Neither of us knows this next part of the journey so it is a little scary for both of us. I am excited about it though.

One step closer August 11, 2009

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We finally, after 7 months trying, have mortgage approval. Not for the amount we wanted but approval none the less. We have passed the offer on to the estate agent & are waiting to hear back from him.

I am now 2lbs away from my 50lbs cert & am aiming to qualify for it this week.

I am loving working out. I am using FYM. It’s fantastic. 3 months ago I couldn’t get myself into some of the positions to work on my core. Now I can do stuff while I’m there. Some day, when I am the weight & shape I want to be I will post my before & after photos. I am not ready to post pictures of myself in a vest & pants 🙂

One of us up, one of us down August 1, 2009

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I weighed J last Wednesday week. I wish I had weighed him the morning of the tie release. In the 4.5 weeks before that Wednesday weighing J gained 12.5oz. In the 10 days since that Wednesday weighing, including 7 days after the tie release, J gained 12.5oz! I would safely say that the release was a success. He is filling out, getting a belly & thighs. His nappy setting has had to be adjusted. He is sleeping better at night. He is sweating less and is more content. All round he is a happier baby.

And now on to me. Since I started WW in February I have lost 3st4.5lbs/46.5lbs. I am 3.5lbs away from getting my 50lbs cert 🙂 I am wearing size 16 knickers and am ready to move into size 16 jeans but sadly size 16 jeans don’t suit me. The body in most jeans is way too long but M made a great suggestion last night and that is to look at mens 34″ waist jeans instead as the body is shorter. Now I have a reason to go shopping!

I am now 60.5lbs lighter than I was getting pregnant and have a BMI of 29.5. This fact is HUGE. Most IVF clinics in Ireland have a cut off of BMI < 30 for cycling with them. I am not in a place where I want to cycle with any of them but the fact that I could if I wanted to is huge for me. I haven't had a BMI under 30 since before we got married and that was only fleeting.

I needed to go to the car yesterday to check for something and when I was going there, in the words of Forrest Gump, I was running! I want to move because I can move. I feel better in my body than I have for years.

I have a mental list of the people that I haven't seen since the start of this journey and I can't wait to see them all again.

Now for before & now shots.