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If I wear a vest March 12, 2010

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.

I lost 1.5lbs this week for a total of 77lbs. I have 3lbs to go to my goal. If I am within 1lb of it next week I will go to WW in a vest, shorts and a pair of flip flops, even if it is raining.

This is what I wrote about the 13 month experience yesterday:

I have been on and off diets for years. This time around was the same as after each major thing “When X is over I’ll lose weight”. My plan was to start a diet the day D’s IVF cycle was “due to fail”. I dieted after he was born. I tried in vain to lose weight after my first miscarriage. I did Cambridge after my second miscarriage. I did nothing after my 6th IVF and then I was pregnant with J.

I knew that a combination of BF & WW had worked for me before so I knew I would be back in WW after J was born but that I would go sooner than I did with D (he was 8.5 months when I joined in 2006). We went to Washington DC in Feburary 2009 & I left it until after that to head back to WW.

At the start of this radical overhaul of my eating habits (I have never called it a diet) I lost 8lbs before I stopped and asked my husband if he cared what was happening (he hadn’t asked) and he very validly said “Well you have started so many diets I was afraid to upset you by asking how it was going”. Looking from the outside in at that time I was still wearing the same tents, I mean clothes, and I never stopped eating (I had 36 points in the beginning because of my weight and because I was nursing J exclusively) so there I was eating constantly, looking no different and upset because he hadn’t asked me how WW was going.

I had to shrink into my own clothes long before I managed to get out of them and into something smaller. I had some clothes that I had bought/worn at various stages of weight loss over the years that I longed to fit back into. A pair of black cords, a pair of flared jeans with fabulous embroidery on the legs, Tommy Hilfiger jeans that I bought on my honeymoon.

I gradually cast off my old clothes and moved into new or new to me clothes. I shopped in my sisters hand me down piles. I wore Levi’s that M had bought years ago and never wore. I “rented” 3 pairs of size 18 jeans from the charity shop. I bought them for €5 and returned them a few months later when they looked dreadful when held up with a belt. I switched from wearing all the way to my neckline jumpers to tshirts that showed a bit of skin.

I continued to lose weight, which was in itself it’s own motivation, until November 2009

Then it essentially ground to a halt. I lost 4.5lbs in a 4 month period. I was doing a wonderful job of maintenance but I was supposed to be still losing weight. I was proving myself right. I had always said that I would never get to 155lbs (the recommended weight for my height) and by eating like I was I wasn’t getting to 155lbs.

2 weeks ago I read a recommendation for Dr Phil’s Ultimate Weight Solution and I remembered that I had bought it when I was pregnant with D. I rooted it out, still in it’s shrink wrap, and started reading it. It was slow going reading it with the boys around (and having to put it down to eat the bag of jellies I was eating at the time πŸ˜† ) so I decided to see if I could get an audio version of it. I did & I have listened to 5 of the 7 keys now.

The first thing I realised was that I was giving myself permission to fail by the language I used. So I changed the language I used & my attitude towards my weight loss changed instantaneously. Suddenly I was able to stop eating, stop buying junk, walk past the junk and not feel compelled/excused to buy it.

Next I got to the bit that, even though I had lost more than 5 stone, had never been dealt with. I am a impulsive eater and an overeater. They are a poor combination and were an impossible bedfellow with the loss of the last 15lbs. It has been so interesting to be able to stop and listen to the voice in my head telling me to eat something and then to hear the other voice say “Go and moisturise your hands” (I won’t eat with moisturiser on my hands and washing my hands straight after moisturising is counterproductive). So now my hands look great and I am not over eating today.

I spent some time thinking about why I over/impulse ate. Ultimately it was because I felt I deserved it. It had been “good” all day/weekend/week so I had earned the “right” to eat THOUSANDS of calories in a day over and above my regular food intake. EXCUSE ME?? 3500 calories = 1lbs fat so overeating 1750 calories in one binge every week is a potential gain of 26lbs of fat in a year! I am not on top of the once a week binge yet but I am not planning the binge which is a huge step for me.

So here I am. I have 4.5lbs to go to my WW goal. I have 10.5lbs to go to my personal goal of 153.5lbs (that would make me 10 stone something… I am still wrapping my head around the fact that I am 11 stone something πŸ˜† ). I will be 160lbs or less on April 17th (a decision I made when I changed the language of my intent).

For today – I am normal.



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