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June 30, 2010

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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Our planning application went in yesterday and I am haemorrhaging money.  The landscape guy has to be paid.  The soil testing guy has to be paid.  The man who dug the holes for the soil testing guy to test has to be paid.  It never stops.  I haven’t had a week without an extra payout in months.

Taking an extra 6 months off work was well worth it but has left me in a financial hole that I am trying to claw my way out of.  I have a credit card bill that I am not proud of. I owe bits of money here, there and everywhere, including the €30 that I took from D’s purse. (blush).  I have been slowly but surely doing something about the monies owed and in an attempt to resolve the huge credit card balance and get away from the huge credit limit (currently huge) I have applied for a Tesco credit card with a TINY limit & will cease all transactions on the current card.  There is no point transferring the balance to the new card because I would have to have a high limit to do that and that defeats the point of having a small limit!

Being paid every 2 weeks is obviously helping with the plan for financial decomplication.  It is lovely to know that in 2 days time the money will land and the bills can be paid.  Even better to know that the rent was paid yesterday and there was more than enough money there to meet the request AND more money will come on Thursday.  Why did I ever think coming back to work was a bad idea?

Saying all of that, as I said in the beginning, there is always something new to pay for and the sums of money are going to start getting bigger and bigger.  Now that the application has been made we can start getting quote for the building process.  Does anyone know how we go about doing that?  I really need to have a sit down with the engineer about the process that is about to begin.

On the up & up June 29, 2010

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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When I was fat I knew I was fat.  My belly got in the way when I bent down so I bent down knowing that it would either get in the way or I should move to avoid it.  My thighs rubbed and that was how it was.  The skin at the bottom of my belly was always in contact with the skin it over lay.  In the Summer it got sweaty and irritated and sore.  In the Winter it was OK.  It was all part of being the size that I was and while I knew that I was fat I didn’t feel fat, probably in part because I didn’t know any different.

Over the last 8 weeks, since we moved into our borrowing house, I gained 8lbs, having gained 5lbs in the 7 weeks before that.  In the last few weeks I have felt fat.  I am aware of the shape of my belly, aware that my skinny jeans just shouldn’t be worn in public and it was getting me down but I was stuck in a cycle of being there but not having the uumph to do anything about it.

At the start of the weekend I realised that I have very few people left to make the big Reveal to and oh boy to I love peoples reactions (going back to work has been full of them, many unexpected, and it feels fantastic).  Two big Reveals that I have for certain this year are my solicitor in August (we haven’t seen each other in years because we moved and she moved and everything is done by post now) and the doctor in Sims at the end of the year.  Oh, wait.  I also have Gypsy next month.  Anyway, back to the point I was making.  I am seeing my solicitor in 6 weeks and at the rate I was going I could easily gain another 7lbs in that time and at that point I would no longer be in most of my jeans and certainly wouldn’t be referred to as thin any more and I don’t like that thought.

I still want to be 153lbs.  Even if I go there and come back here because I prefer it here I want to know what there is like before I settle on here.

Confession time.  I have been compulsively over eating and binge eating for weeks.  I don’t eat a biscuit.  I don’t trust myself with a pack of biscuits because I can easily eat half a pack without stopping for a breath.  I have been dashboard dining again which is not good.  I can eat a bag of NCF jellies on my way to Dublin and pretend like it didn’t happen.  Then I would eat a back of sugar pop corn on the way home and again pretend like nothing happened.  Is it any wonder I am almost a stone heavier than I was when I hit my goal.

I haven’t used my gold card once in Weight Watchers because I am embarrassed to go back and be more than 5lbs over my goal.

On Saturday I stopped.  I stopped buying the food.  I stopped eating the food.  I didn’t stop hunting for it or thinking about it but I put my foot down when it came to allowing the compulsion to over come me.  I have been in shops that have dark chocolate rice cakes and jelly snakes and have bought neither, not because I didn’t want to but because I am, at present, incapable of moderation.  Once the pack is open it is all eaten.

I haven’t been pointing what I am eating but I haven’t been eating between meals, which is a big change for me.  After only a few days I am already down 2.5lbs and am feeling positive about the prospect of reaching my personal target.

Recent Times June 16, 2010

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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A few weeks ago I wrote this:

I found out today what one of you does for a living and it gave me a moment of pause.  I wonder if that knowledge will affect what I write about a particular subject.  Maybe it will prevent me from moaning about a process, maybe it won’t but it made me wonder what else I don’t know about all of you, not that there are many of you these days.

This comes back to a post I have had in draft form for a little while.  This blog puts the bits of me what I choose to share out into the world for all to see, not knowing who is reading.  This fact doesn’t bother me but today I have to wonder what can be done with what I write about.

I am already hesitant about writing about some things for fear of the back lash that might come.  Calliope commented recently on Creating Motherhood that she had been light on the details of late because of some judgemental comments which made me remember that there are things that I don’t share, even within the “security” of password protected posts.

So to you the reader, you know who you are.  I am trusting you to take what you read here as the ramblings of a mother of two who is going through a changing process in life, rather than a reporter who is providing you with useful information.  But I reserve the right to pick your brain LOL.  Hey!  There aren’t that many times in life that one has access to a mine of information that is easily accessed without having to wade through 1,000,000 Google pages

Now back to our regular broadcast.

The information did change what I wrote to the point where I wrote nothing.  I have lots going on, I am learning lots but it is not stuff that I am comfortable sharing right now and that makes me sad.

What I am happy to share includes…

–       J can now say Heh Low which is one of the cutest things I have ever seen and he will sit and say it to me over and over while I empty the dishwasher.

–       I currently have 4 acres of meadow and one of The Nephews is coming this week to cut it, bale it and take it away.  The best part of all of this is that he is going to pay me per bale.  Who’da thunk that I would be selling sileage!

–       We now have 14 chickens in residence in the garden (4 are visiting while my sister gets herself sorted to have them in her garden) and yesterday I got 9 eggs.  Tomorrow we are making meringues with our own eggs and my Kitchen Aid!  What a combination.

–       I have returned to work one day a week and while I hate getting out of the house in the morning I am fine once I get here.  And best of all it pays the bills.