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Nothing you do surprises me December 24, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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I have had nothing to write for the best part of a week because you have left me alone for that time. WHOOT!

But here I find myself thinking about you again. Last week you gave me €100 of the €840 you owe me and told me that there would be “more next week” so roll forward to today and needless to say there was no money offered up. I have stopped humiliating myself by asking you for money and having to tell the latest excuse so right now you owe me €840 and you haven’t contributed toward Christmas. Of course that isn’t stopping you coming out here in the morning to enjoy Santa.

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This one is about me December 21, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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Embarrassment is my nemesis. It is the thing that engulfs me and paralyses me completely. Today I took the younger child to the Santa party of the older child. At the end of the proceedings there was a Santa session for the preschoolers which I didn’t know was happening and as a result hadn’t made any preparations for. I sat there, embarrassed, in the audience while all of the other preschoolers (along with their parents) went up onto the stage. Not only was I embarrassed but I was angry that no one had told me that this was happening.

The one requirement present purchasing process was that the gift had to the less than €8. I was very careful to make sure that I stayed under the €8. Clearly not all of the parents felt the way that I did about this.

I am going to check the letter that was sent home about the present to make sure that I didn’t miss anything and then write to the school to complain.

Unfortunately this comes on the back of two different parents disregarding the “don’t send (birthday) cakes into school” rule. Both of these have been in the older boys class and each time he was excluded because he cannot eat home made/unlabeled food. He was unbothered by this but I am definitely unsettled by the whole thing, to the point that right at this moment I don’t trust the school.

Just leave me the frack alone December 17, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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I love when days go by & I don’t hear from you. I realise days later that I haven’t heard from you & I’m filled with peace. Unfortunately this week you have been up in my business a lot.

Our phone call on Wednesday which included you telling me that at one point your father was convinced that I had poisoned your mother & that you would restart maintenance at some point was draining at best & was followed up with several texts from you about Christmas Eve night.

Why can you not understand that it is not appropriate for you to stay with us on Christmas Eve night & certainly not fair to me for you to sit/lie around while I work & get things organised.

You agreed to collecting the boys on St Stephens Day but from the nearest shopping centre. Is it wrong of me to pray for snow on the 26th?

I feel bad insisting that the children leave toys & other children to spend the afternoon with their father & grandfather but that is me & I don’t have sole custody.

I haven’t heard from you since yesterday morning. Thank you. Can you do that more often please?

For everyone asleep in the back row December 15, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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On September 30th I asked you to leave after you decided that not speaking to me for 48 hours was an appropriate punishment for the fact that I 1. went ahead with attending the joint counselling session that you refused to go to and 2. refused to take our child to school because after lying in bed for 30 minutes you didn’t have time to have a shower, have breakfast and get him to school.

But let me go back a little.

In February you told me that if I didn’t cut short my visit to my parents, so that I could take your father to visit your mother in hospital as you refused to close the shop to take him, that I shouldn’t bother coming home.

In May you told me that if I didn’t have our child in school by September you would leave.

In June you told me that if I refused to attend the school meeting alone (if you didn’t close the shop to attend it with me) and it resulted in our child losing the school space that you would leave.  You even went so far as to pack a bag .

Between June and September you asked me regularly, for a variety of reasons, if I would like you to leave.

As school start time is 9.20 and I have to be in work 20km away at 9.30 you agreed to doing all of the school drop offs.

Between August 31st & September 30th you asked me no less than 6 times to do the school run, including that final morning that you needed me to do it so that you could have 15, much needed, minutes in bed.  WAIT!  Didn’t you say that you couldn’t shower and take him to school?

Have I mentioned that you are a bully?

On September 3rd you put our child outside because he was messing at the dinner table and then walked off to eat your dinner else where, which was itself a regular occurance, informing me that you were never having anything to do with him again, another regular occurance.  When I told you that you may as well leave because you don’t get to live here and not parent you took me up on my offer.

The next day you pushed and pushed and pushed me to ask you to come home.  You came home and slept on the couch and then in bed.  When I went to go out you told me to take the kids with me because you wanted nothing to do with the older one.

In all of that time I gave in to your bullying.  I stood there, or rather laid down, and took it.  Every time you told me you would leave or asked me if I wanted you to leave a little thing went off in my brain that said “Save your marriage, at all costs”.  You knew that thing was there and you took advantage of it.  I let you walk all over me to save my marriage.

But what was I saving?  The fact that I took care of all the bills?  That I dealt with all phone calls and paperwork because you “couldn’t”.  It wasn’t a marriage.  I was your whipping boy.

On September 30th I asked you to leave, or rather when you said “Do you want me to leave?” I replied “Yes” and it was one of the best things I could have done with my life.

Now will you ever leave me the fuck alone and stop thinking you can get one over on me?

You are a big, fat, bully December 15, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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I met my new solicitor this morning and came up with a plan. I gave you time to start paying maintenance again or my solicitor would have a maintenance summons issued against you.

You told me you would start “when you have some money”. You explained that you only have €200 to live on each week for petrol and groceries and take away on the nights you get home late and you can’t start cooking “at that hour”. WTF? You are eating take away on a weekly basis? More than once a week? You drive 1km to work. You drive 1km to do the school run. That is a total of less than 20km a week which with the worst mileage your car could possibly be doing would cost you €3 in petrol a week. Where the fuck is the rest of the money going and when are you going to understand that

YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST!

You seem to think that at the end of the conversation earlier I had come around to your way of thinking. That I was going to sit and wait for you to tell me each week/month/whatever that there was yet another excuse for you not putting your kids first. I am not. I am not looking for money for me. I am looking for it for them. To feed them. To clothe them. To pay their medical bills. And if I have to go to court to have a judge tell you that you have to provide for your kids then that is what I have to do.

You made a promise to our child to sleep in their bed on Christmas Eve when you were not in a position to fullfill that promise. Did you think that if you made the promise I would have to follow through on it? That I would have to acquiesce and tell you that it is OK for you to sleep here? Let me for a moment ponder upon the reasons why that is not going to happen –

Christmas Eve night is not a sit around and relax night. It is work. It has always been my work and will continue to be this year. I am not working while you sit around watching TV (which is what happened every other year)
I cannot afford to heat the sitting room to a level that you would be comfortable in
How fucking confusing do you think it would be for the kids to have you suddenly come and stay for the night? The next time one of them says “Can Dadda stay here?” I have to get into the specifics of why it was OK for you to stay one night and not another? Eh, no.
YOU DON’T LIVE HERE ANY MORE!
and most importantly
I DON’T WANT YOU HERE AT ALL

Your request to sleep here on Christmas Eve was worded as “give me that one thing” as though you never ask for anything and are a giving selfless person. All I have to say to that is BOLLOCKS! You are a self focused git!

I’m feeling the anger tonight because I got to be the one to explain to our child that you are not staying over on Christmas Eve.

You are welcome to be here at 8 when the kids go downstairs. I will not hold them up there if you are late. Please be late.

Open the door, walk right in December 13, 2011

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You may not realise it but you opened the legal door. I have known for a few weeks that I need to get a maintenance order issued against you but I really didn’t want to be the one that started the legal process.

Last night when you informed me that you have decided to seek legal advice about getting sole custody of the boys you opened that door wide and allowed me to walk through as the second guest to the party. It is small but it means a lot to me, not in a “how sweet & thoughtful of you” kind of way but the “now I don’t have to feel guilty about starting the process” way.

I woke this morning knowing that I was going to speak to my new solicitor today & that you were going to try to talk to me about my unsafe car. As expected you did try to talk to me but I’m not having a conversation with you when you are coming from a position of poor information.

For reference my car was not rebuild in a chop shop. It had some body work done to the existing parts, not replacements & certainly not second hand replacements. The problems the car garage were having last Friday were: getting parts from the dealer & matching up generic paint. That’s it. They weren’t dealing with anything more sinister than that but you have reinterpreted it to be that there was a problem with the parts used in the previous repair work & that the car is unsafe.

I have made contact with the solicitor & am meeting her colleague tomorrow morning. Better than that I have checked and the access that I’m offering you for Christmas Day & St Stephens Day are reasonable.

I am sure you will make no contribution towards Christmas at this point & I don’t expect any.

I do want you, in fact I dare you, to show up at my parents house on St Stephens Day to collect the boys.

Heroin in my eyeballs December 12, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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Tonight you made me laugh, but not in a “that was funny, thank you for making me feel happy” way.  More so a “you are a stupid man” kind of way.

My new car has had body work repairs in the past, repairs that were not done by a main dealer.  It is apparent that the work was done because they didn’t use branded paint, just a “close enough” paint.  When I collected my car today they told me that it is a good car, perfectly roadworthy etc. but you have decided that it is a chop shop car and that this along with a suicide attempt that I made 15 years ago are grounds for you to apply for sole custody.  Now lets us consider the facts.

You have made no child support payments for 6 weeks
You have made no reference to having the kids overnight in the last 10 weeks
You don’t ask about the kids when you don’t have them
You leave our children with your father who you have said recently is not in his right mind

In all of that you think that you will get sole custody?  In the courts in this country a mother has to be shooting heroin into her eyeballs for her children to be taken from her.  Buying a car that has some previous body work and a suicide attempt almost 16 years ago are not enough to lose me my kids, especially when you consider the fact that I have been in counselling since I asked you to move out.

I have a support structure
I have friends and family (immediate and extended)
I am a member of the Church of the faith that I practice.
I am solely responsible for their medical wellbeing
I went to the parent teacher meeting while you napped

And the bit that tickles me the most – I have bought all of the Christmas presents and I have organised the Santa letters and you told me on December 6th that you would start saving!  Who the fuck starts saving for Christmas on December 6th?

I care not to share December 10, 2011

Posted by The Mom in Uncategorized.
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I am cold. This whole building is cold. The experiement that was to be “no central heating, electric radiators only” has failed and I am glad I am not sharing it with you. The thought of you moaning about the cold annoys me, never mind you actually moaning about it!

Before I asked you to leave you told me several things that you father said, or rather allegedly said because I believe they were your words that you were assigning to your father. One of them was that it was cold here. That was in September. I dread to think what you would make of it now.

I feel like those old people you see on the news, the ones that go to bed at 7pm so that they don’t have to heat the sitting room. That was me at 8.30. The kids were in bed and I had a choice between trying to reheat the sitting room or just going to bed. Ultimately I was going to be doing the same thing, playing on my laptop and having a diet coke but doing it in bed was warmer and cheaper.

You have left me with debts coming out of my ears, before the humdinger of this week, but if I have to sell my jewellery I will have a stove installed before next Winter.

I am, more than likely, going to live here for at least 7 years, probably more like 9 and although I have only done a few weeks of Winter I am not doing another one like this.

You informed me yesterday that you will be staying here on Christmas Eve so that you can wake with the kids on Christmas morning. Let me tell you now (and I will tell you in person too) there are a variety of reasons why that is not going to happen, the main one being that I am not giving you the idea that staying here EVER is an option and coming a close second is the fact that I cannot afford to heat the place to a suitable level for you.

Of course the fact that you haven’t paid me child support for 6 weeks means I don’t have a lot of money to heat the place but I do have a lot of anger directed towards you. I would rather the former than the latter.