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Normal Interpersonal Communications December 31, 2011

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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On Thursday we visited friends in the west of Ireland & for 36 hours we got home there was something that continued to niggle. It took until this morning to realise what it was.

In the middle of the evening the Dad asked the Mom where the nail clippers was. She said it was one place and he came back a few minutes later to say that it wasn’t and she replied “well then it is in the yellow basket” and he headed off. Another few minutes and he reappeared to say it wasn’t and that he had a willing child in the kitchen and he wanted to strike while the iron was hot.

36 hours later I realised what was bothering me. She hadn’t hopped up & frantically search for the nail clippers so as not to upset him & to ensure that he didn’t go sit in front of the TV for the rest of the day.

But let us go back from there. He was cutting one of his children’s finger nails, something you haven’t done in almost 7 years.

I have a lot of learning to do.

What happens when you decide we are not best friends? December 28, 2011

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You are full of sweetness and light, I can only presume it’s because you think we are best friends because I haven’t fought you over money but you would be a little mistaken on that one.

This evening you told me that you will have more money in the New Year, if the business does better. That “if” covered your ass and now as far as you are concerned you can choose whether to give me money or not.

It doesn’t work that way for me.

Nothing you do surprises me December 24, 2011

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I have had nothing to write for the best part of a week because you have left me alone for that time. WHOOT!

But here I find myself thinking about you again. Last week you gave me €100 of the €840 you owe me and told me that there would be “more next week” so roll forward to today and needless to say there was no money offered up. I have stopped humiliating myself by asking you for money and having to tell the latest excuse so right now you owe me €840 and you haven’t contributed toward Christmas. Of course that isn’t stopping you coming out here in the morning to enjoy Santa.

This one is about me December 21, 2011

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Embarrassment is my nemesis. It is the thing that engulfs me and paralyses me completely. Today I took the younger child to the Santa party of the older child. At the end of the proceedings there was a Santa session for the preschoolers which I didn’t know was happening and as a result hadn’t made any preparations for. I sat there, embarrassed, in the audience while all of the other preschoolers (along with their parents) went up onto the stage. Not only was I embarrassed but I was angry that no one had told me that this was happening.

The one requirement present purchasing process was that the gift had to the less than €8. I was very careful to make sure that I stayed under the €8. Clearly not all of the parents felt the way that I did about this.

I am going to check the letter that was sent home about the present to make sure that I didn’t miss anything and then write to the school to complain.

Unfortunately this comes on the back of two different parents disregarding the “don’t send (birthday) cakes into school” rule. Both of these have been in the older boys class and each time he was excluded because he cannot eat home made/unlabeled food. He was unbothered by this but I am definitely unsettled by the whole thing, to the point that right at this moment I don’t trust the school.

I’m not saving some for you December 20, 2011

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Last night I forgot that you are not the person that I used to believe you were. I forgot that you are self focused and that you don’t give a flying toss about me. We spoke about my turkeys and you had the cheek to ask me to keep you some. Seriously? They are being cooked on Christmas Day in my parents house and you thought I light just box you up some and keep it for you until the next day. Get over yourself mate.

What came after that reminded me that you are not a nice person. Our older child told me “Dadda is saving to buy me a present for Christmas so will you not take any money from him until Christmas?”

WHAT? Instead of telling our child that he can’t have a toy on December 19th because it is less than a week to Christmas you told him no because you have to give all of your money to me. You are a wanker.

I did have a silent laugh last night. As you put the younger child into the car you informed me that he didn’t want to go home & wanted to stay with you for ever and ever. He piped up “no Dadda, I don’t want to come here any more, I want to stay with mamma for ever and ever. I don’t take that stuff personally but I hope you do 🙂

We are not best friends December 19, 2011

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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You’re acting as though we are best buddies again. We are not. I don’t want to chat with you. I don’t want to know what is going on in your life. It is none of my business. I don’t want to know what your plans for the business in the New Year are. I want to know that you will pay child support, that I won’t have to humiliate myself by having to ask you for money to feed and clothe your children. telling me that you have decided to speak to your father about the money that is owed to my father does not make be believe that you are being a nice guy, it just reminds me that you are manipulative.

The reason my solicitor is no longer dealing with your fathers probate is that it is your fathers probate, not mine. I am not having her deal with something that you have decided to use as a weapon against me. I asked her to not be involved and she, understanding the reasons, was happy to oblige. You can get off your lazy ass and deal with the situation yourself! I am no longer your PA, receptionist, form filler, call maker. You are 40 years old, sort it out on your own. I know I spent the last 12 years managing your life but that wasn’t because you can’t, it was because you wouldn’t do it yourself.

Seriously, are you taking the piss? December 18, 2011

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So you gave me €100 this morning, of the €840 that you owe me (if we don’t include Christmas) and then told me that you have paid off most of your business debts. 2 months ago they were about €3,500 and now they are €1,000. So, you have done one of 3 things (or a combination of some/all of them)

1. Lied about the original amount of the debt
2. Lied about the current amount of the debt
3. Paid your debts before you paid for your kids

Whichever way you look at it you are a self focused WANKER.

You also told me that here would be more money “next week” and I know that will be Christmas Eve afternoon

Just leave me the frack alone December 17, 2011

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I love when days go by & I don’t hear from you. I realise days later that I haven’t heard from you & I’m filled with peace. Unfortunately this week you have been up in my business a lot.

Our phone call on Wednesday which included you telling me that at one point your father was convinced that I had poisoned your mother & that you would restart maintenance at some point was draining at best & was followed up with several texts from you about Christmas Eve night.

Why can you not understand that it is not appropriate for you to stay with us on Christmas Eve night & certainly not fair to me for you to sit/lie around while I work & get things organised.

You agreed to collecting the boys on St Stephens Day but from the nearest shopping centre. Is it wrong of me to pray for snow on the 26th?

I feel bad insisting that the children leave toys & other children to spend the afternoon with their father & grandfather but that is me & I don’t have sole custody.

I haven’t heard from you since yesterday morning. Thank you. Can you do that more often please?

For everyone asleep in the back row December 15, 2011

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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On September 30th I asked you to leave after you decided that not speaking to me for 48 hours was an appropriate punishment for the fact that I 1. went ahead with attending the joint counselling session that you refused to go to and 2. refused to take our child to school because after lying in bed for 30 minutes you didn’t have time to have a shower, have breakfast and get him to school.

But let me go back a little.

In February you told me that if I didn’t cut short my visit to my parents, so that I could take your father to visit your mother in hospital as you refused to close the shop to take him, that I shouldn’t bother coming home.

In May you told me that if I didn’t have our child in school by September you would leave.

In June you told me that if I refused to attend the school meeting alone (if you didn’t close the shop to attend it with me) and it resulted in our child losing the school space that you would leave.  You even went so far as to pack a bag .

Between June and September you asked me regularly, for a variety of reasons, if I would like you to leave.

As school start time is 9.20 and I have to be in work 20km away at 9.30 you agreed to doing all of the school drop offs.

Between August 31st & September 30th you asked me no less than 6 times to do the school run, including that final morning that you needed me to do it so that you could have 15, much needed, minutes in bed.  WAIT!  Didn’t you say that you couldn’t shower and take him to school?

Have I mentioned that you are a bully?

On September 3rd you put our child outside because he was messing at the dinner table and then walked off to eat your dinner else where, which was itself a regular occurance, informing me that you were never having anything to do with him again, another regular occurance.  When I told you that you may as well leave because you don’t get to live here and not parent you took me up on my offer.

The next day you pushed and pushed and pushed me to ask you to come home.  You came home and slept on the couch and then in bed.  When I went to go out you told me to take the kids with me because you wanted nothing to do with the older one.

In all of that time I gave in to your bullying.  I stood there, or rather laid down, and took it.  Every time you told me you would leave or asked me if I wanted you to leave a little thing went off in my brain that said “Save your marriage, at all costs”.  You knew that thing was there and you took advantage of it.  I let you walk all over me to save my marriage.

But what was I saving?  The fact that I took care of all the bills?  That I dealt with all phone calls and paperwork because you “couldn’t”.  It wasn’t a marriage.  I was your whipping boy.

On September 30th I asked you to leave, or rather when you said “Do you want me to leave?” I replied “Yes” and it was one of the best things I could have done with my life.

Now will you ever leave me the fuck alone and stop thinking you can get one over on me?

You are a big, fat, bully December 15, 2011

Posted by Laura in Uncategorized.
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I met my new solicitor this morning and came up with a plan. I gave you time to start paying maintenance again or my solicitor would have a maintenance summons issued against you.

You told me you would start “when you have some money”. You explained that you only have €200 to live on each week for petrol and groceries and take away on the nights you get home late and you can’t start cooking “at that hour”. WTF? You are eating take away on a weekly basis? More than once a week? You drive 1km to work. You drive 1km to do the school run. That is a total of less than 20km a week which with the worst mileage your car could possibly be doing would cost you €3 in petrol a week. Where the fuck is the rest of the money going and when are you going to understand that

YOUR CHILDREN COME FIRST!

You seem to think that at the end of the conversation earlier I had come around to your way of thinking. That I was going to sit and wait for you to tell me each week/month/whatever that there was yet another excuse for you not putting your kids first. I am not. I am not looking for money for me. I am looking for it for them. To feed them. To clothe them. To pay their medical bills. And if I have to go to court to have a judge tell you that you have to provide for your kids then that is what I have to do.

You made a promise to our child to sleep in their bed on Christmas Eve when you were not in a position to fullfill that promise. Did you think that if you made the promise I would have to follow through on it? That I would have to acquiesce and tell you that it is OK for you to sleep here? Let me for a moment ponder upon the reasons why that is not going to happen –

Christmas Eve night is not a sit around and relax night. It is work. It has always been my work and will continue to be this year. I am not working while you sit around watching TV (which is what happened every other year)
I cannot afford to heat the sitting room to a level that you would be comfortable in
How fucking confusing do you think it would be for the kids to have you suddenly come and stay for the night? The next time one of them says “Can Dadda stay here?” I have to get into the specifics of why it was OK for you to stay one night and not another? Eh, no.
YOU DON’T LIVE HERE ANY MORE!
and most importantly
I DON’T WANT YOU HERE AT ALL

Your request to sleep here on Christmas Eve was worded as “give me that one thing” as though you never ask for anything and are a giving selfless person. All I have to say to that is BOLLOCKS! You are a self focused git!

I’m feeling the anger tonight because I got to be the one to explain to our child that you are not staying over on Christmas Eve.

You are welcome to be here at 8 when the kids go downstairs. I will not hold them up there if you are late. Please be late.